Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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