So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
