Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
