OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
