Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
