just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
