Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
