I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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