if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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