my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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