I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
