I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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