How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
