12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
