Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
