some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
