one word: firstdatebathroomanal
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
