We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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