I'll bet she douches with gravy.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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