i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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