Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
