OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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