Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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