a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
