new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
