so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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