She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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