im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
