What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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