Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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