Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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