There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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