I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
