I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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