I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
