Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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