If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
