you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
