Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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