it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
