I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
