So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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