So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
