I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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