first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
