And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
