well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
