loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
