I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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