awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
