Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
