so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
