Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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