I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
