I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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