I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
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