Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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