I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
