This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
